I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
