My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
