What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
