I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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