I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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