Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
