i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
