Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
