I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
