like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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