He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
