I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
