So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
