Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
