I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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