I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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