when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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