he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
