I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
