Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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