I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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