I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
