Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
