just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
