I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
