the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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