I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
