Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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