Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
