yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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