final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
