Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
