Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
