Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
