I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
