i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
