yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
