I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
