Do you still have your period?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
