It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
