btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
