I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
