Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
