if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
