I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
