watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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