Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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