He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
