Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
