Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
