I'll bet she douches with gravy.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
