I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
