He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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