the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
