I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
