i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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