That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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