I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
