And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
