why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
