I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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